It can be so frustrating to see things that are so obviously triggers or patterns of habit that can lead to acting out.
For example, my husband loves keeping up with the news. I don't have a particular problem with that. I check the news online too. But where it gets frustrating is when repeatedly there is a link on CNN that is clearly going to lead to somewhere not good. (Since when does anything with the word "topless" need to be headline news?)
When he looks at the news at home, half the time CNN is blocked by the filter. Which is frustrating, I know. I get sites blocked all the time when I am trying to do regular things on the computer. It's definitely annoying.
So he is having a stressful day at work and needs to relax for a minute . . . so he goes to CNN. And clicks on a link. To me, I feel like it should be so obvious that he shouldn't ever look at CNN at work. #1 - there is no filter at work. The filters are there for his protection, which he asked us to put on our computers at home. And #2 - it's at work! So if he's going to get in trouble for looking at inappropriate things on a computer, I'd rather it not result in him losing his job as well.
The co-dependent me wants to show him how destructive it can be to "just check out the news for a minute." Sadly, we live in a world where that isn't innocent. The not co-dependent me, well I'm not sure what she would do. I haven't actually said anything to him about it, but it doesn't mean I haven't played out the conversation in my head about 20 times.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Letting Go
Tonight my husband and I were reading out of the appendix of He Restoreth My Soul and in it there is a man discussing what has worked for him as he has worked on his recovery.
He was talking about letting go of lustful thoughts. There is a difference between just saying "ok, I let go of that thought" and doing something more with it. The man suggested visualizing handing over a lustful thought to the Savior and watching Him struggle with it. My husband and I had a good conversation about that and what it meant for him.
Well immediately after we did our reading for the night, my husband talked to me about a struggle that he had today. I felt his humility and his honesty while he was telling me, but yet I was still just feeling the usual hurt that comes along with the questions of "why would you do that?!" I thanked him for telling me then left to go have some time to myself so I could process my thoughts and emotions.
I have had lots of questions before about what it means to let go of something and truly, completely forgive and how do you know when it has happened.
So tonight as I was thinking, I went in my daughter's room to hold her while she was asleep. There is something just so sweet and peaceful about a sleeping baby. As I was holding her, I was saying a prayer about how I didn't want my husband to have to carry the guilt and the pain and temptation around with him any more than I wanted to have the hurt and pain. That was when I made the connection that I could use that visual imagery to hand over my pain to my Savior.
One point the book makes is that Heavenly Father can't force you to let go of anything, and He won't take it from you unless you give it up. I am now trying to figure out what exactly I need to do to completely let go of whatever I may be holding on to from the past, and then I can do as I did tonight. I pictured myself walking up to my Savior. I told him what was going on and how I was feeling, adding that I knew He already knew all of that. Then I asked Him if He could take it from me, since He has already suffered for it anyway. It was an incredibly powerful experience and for me it just gave me a little bit more of an insight into the Atonement and forgiveness.
He was talking about letting go of lustful thoughts. There is a difference between just saying "ok, I let go of that thought" and doing something more with it. The man suggested visualizing handing over a lustful thought to the Savior and watching Him struggle with it. My husband and I had a good conversation about that and what it meant for him.
Well immediately after we did our reading for the night, my husband talked to me about a struggle that he had today. I felt his humility and his honesty while he was telling me, but yet I was still just feeling the usual hurt that comes along with the questions of "why would you do that?!" I thanked him for telling me then left to go have some time to myself so I could process my thoughts and emotions.
I have had lots of questions before about what it means to let go of something and truly, completely forgive and how do you know when it has happened.
So tonight as I was thinking, I went in my daughter's room to hold her while she was asleep. There is something just so sweet and peaceful about a sleeping baby. As I was holding her, I was saying a prayer about how I didn't want my husband to have to carry the guilt and the pain and temptation around with him any more than I wanted to have the hurt and pain. That was when I made the connection that I could use that visual imagery to hand over my pain to my Savior.
One point the book makes is that Heavenly Father can't force you to let go of anything, and He won't take it from you unless you give it up. I am now trying to figure out what exactly I need to do to completely let go of whatever I may be holding on to from the past, and then I can do as I did tonight. I pictured myself walking up to my Savior. I told him what was going on and how I was feeling, adding that I knew He already knew all of that. Then I asked Him if He could take it from me, since He has already suffered for it anyway. It was an incredibly powerful experience and for me it just gave me a little bit more of an insight into the Atonement and forgiveness.
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