It can be so frustrating to see things that are so obviously triggers or patterns of habit that can lead to acting out.
For example, my husband loves keeping up with the news. I don't have a particular problem with that. I check the news online too. But where it gets frustrating is when repeatedly there is a link on CNN that is clearly going to lead to somewhere not good. (Since when does anything with the word "topless" need to be headline news?)
When he looks at the news at home, half the time CNN is blocked by the filter. Which is frustrating, I know. I get sites blocked all the time when I am trying to do regular things on the computer. It's definitely annoying.
So he is having a stressful day at work and needs to relax for a minute . . . so he goes to CNN. And clicks on a link. To me, I feel like it should be so obvious that he shouldn't ever look at CNN at work. #1 - there is no filter at work. The filters are there for his protection, which he asked us to put on our computers at home. And #2 - it's at work! So if he's going to get in trouble for looking at inappropriate things on a computer, I'd rather it not result in him losing his job as well.
The co-dependent me wants to show him how destructive it can be to "just check out the news for a minute." Sadly, we live in a world where that isn't innocent. The not co-dependent me, well I'm not sure what she would do. I haven't actually said anything to him about it, but it doesn't mean I haven't played out the conversation in my head about 20 times.
That's totally Pete. Sometimes I think he goes to the news sites KNOWING he is going to see something exciting, and he goes anyway. Because he can justify it in his mind that he is just reading the news. It's sick I tell you!
ReplyDeleteI know . . . "just news" . . .
DeleteThat is totally my husband as well! Oh my gosh, just today he fought the temptation to look at a Sports Illustarted link...which was connected to Fox news.
ReplyDeleteI decided to allow the co-dependent in me out and after he told me about the link, I went to see what it was all about. Apparently the links change all the time, so the link I found was one for a porn app...can you believe that. They have porn apps for phones!! I am steaming over this.
I am so frustrated with news sites. Drudge Report is the worst!!
My hubby decided to order the paper instead, but even that is not free of nudity or porn talk. I am so sick of it!!
The temptattion will always be there and I have no control! All I can do is pray that he'll keep his armor on.
Ordering the paper isn't a bad idea, but you're right that it isn't perfect either. We don't have control, and ultimately it's not up to me to decide what he chooses to look at or why.
DeletePlease dont fret over these things.Once an addict always an addict.No matter what he /you try to avoid he will always revert to it in times of stress/boredom/anger etc etc.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't the first time I've heard this and I wholeheartedly say it isn't true. I, myself, am living proof of that. There are many people who are living proof of change in addiction. While, it's true, some people don't change, some people do. But a blanket, hopeless judgement isn't right.
DeleteIt takes time, patience, prayer and a lot of self-work to change.
MY husband recently did something very similar, because he wanted "to be informed". I prayed and thought about it for a few days. I worked on getting really clear about my motivations and when I felt settled, I talk with him about it. I believe that is one way that Satan gets our men in a trap. The desire to be "informed" got my husband into a lot of trouble in the past. I shared with him that felt it was a foolish move and a red flag he was actually open to hearing it and agreed! I was surprised! HE set himself a boundary around it. I believe in moments of clarity (as rare as they feel sometimes), our addicts can also see it as a red flag.
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