I realized something today that I thought was interesting and I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience.
A few weeks ago I was in Manhattan and saw something that triggered very intense emotions for me. At the time, I wasn't really sure why. I started to cry and my chest tightened and I just wanted to walk away from the reminder as quickly as I could, without letting on to anyone that I was with that anything was wrong.
I've thought about it a few times since, trying to figure out what was going on there. It was something sexual, yes, but nothing that relates to my particular story (at least as far as I know). It made me think of Scabs, as it was more closely related to her experience than my own.
I feel a little silly that it took me so long to figure out why I kept relating to Scabs' story, and why that was affecting me so much, because now it seems obvious.
I don't know much about the woman my husband had an affair with. I asked a few questions, needed to know about their "courtship" and put together some pieces that hadn't added up at the time. But I got to a point where I felt I knew enough and just wanted to let it go without adding more and more details that would just be that much harder to forget. Their affair was in a different state. Aside from thinking about that state, I don't think about places they have been together or see reminders of her, because I just don't know it.
I was essentially taking a piece of Scabs' story and making that be a thing that triggered my feelings of hurt and betrayal regarding my husband's affair.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this before? Taking someone else's experience and filling in the gaps in your own with their details?
I haven't experience that per se, but it totally makes sense -- and it really adds more credibility to the whole "triggers are lies" thing Scabs blogged about -- triggers can affect us when they're not even related to our story! Sorry you had to deal with that!
ReplyDeleteOh, so sorry about that too. Sometimes I wonder if what I write is too vivid. But, I have to give you a high five and say thanks for having my back! lol
ReplyDeleteI've had this same experience. Sharing someone else's pain and making it my own. Maybe it has to do with empathy, or just the sisterhood we feel as betrayed women. Sometimes I get so upset about what mr scabs has done, not just for me but for all women! I'm hurt by his betrayal and mistreatment of all women.
On the other hand, I really do think some triggers are lies.
Sorry again.
Yes Yes and Yes. I always think "there MUST be more" because so and so's husband did this or that. I dont think that this is always that it is bad to fill in the holes like this but I need to be more careful not to make my situation a bigger mountain than it all ready is.
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